i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
