There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
