Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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