My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
operation have a gay friend backfired
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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