she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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