nut hugger
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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