I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
