He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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