Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
