hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
How external is "for external use only"?
I can't turn off my feet"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
