We won't sleep together?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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