I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
