Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just gargled with NyQuil
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
