he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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