Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You smell like stripper and shame
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
