he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
