What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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