so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize