it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
