I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
