I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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