so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
