i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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