If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
