i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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