i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
