Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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