All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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