You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i need some magic done to my vagina
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
