I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
