How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
