YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
