We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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