Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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