please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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