Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
