you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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