apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize