I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
