i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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