i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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