I'm really into asian looking animals
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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