I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
