The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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