If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
