I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Please don't give away my fajitas
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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