if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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