she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
