My entire life is one complicated drinking game
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
