I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
