Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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