I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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