Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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