This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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