he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
