We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
