I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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