Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
