I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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