Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
