i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
