I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
