i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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