I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
