My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
did i just pee glitter
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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