the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
